I was sitting in the back seat, Mike VanElzakker in the passenger seat, and Mike Mahar was driving. Mike V. picked up a crusty old french fry off of the floor, held it up, and started to make some comment about storing food on the floor of the car. Mike M. looked over laughing and when he looked back the car in front of us was stopped. we skidded right into it. a couple of football players from our high school got out and started lumbering toward us menacingly – and then a couple of girls got out. fortunately for us, Mike V. was always popular with the ladies and one of the girls convinced the jock to just leave us alone. beware old french fries.
I had a dream the other night. Part of it had a Smurf in it. That smurf – Cancer Smurf – inspired me to collect a list of “unlikely smurfs”
Double Amputee Smurf, Teenage Pregnancy Smurfette, Dirty Old Papa Smurf, Lazy Eye Smurf, Tourette’s Smurf, High School Dropout Smurf, Minimum Wage Smurf, Phlegm Smurf, Elected to Office but Dumb as a Rock Smurf, Chronic Acne Smurf, Gateway Drug Smurf, Registered Sex Offender Smurf, Assisted Suicide Smurf, Statutory Rape Smurf, Excessive Piercings Smurf, Wastewater Treatment Smurf, Cannibal Smurf, Embezzling Accountant Smurf, H@X0r $mUrf, Chewing Tobacco Smurf, Whiskey Smurf, Muslim Extremist Smurf, Gender Confusion Smurf, Needle Sharing Smurf, Leprosy Smurf, Silicone Smurfette, Serial Killer Smurf… post your ideas in the comments. (Special thanks to Amy, Karin, CC, Mr. B, Neil, Joe, Sean, and others who helped create this list.)
A few weeks ago i was walking down this sidewalk in the early morning. I saw the strangest pile of dog crap i had ever seen. I was in a rush so didn’t stop and study it but it looked like the pile was of almost identical pieces. They were all about the exact same size and were a very light brown with occasional white parts. I was pretty disgusted because this sidewalk almost always has dog poop on it. A half hour later i was rushing back by. The sun was finally up so it was light enough for me to see that it was not a pile of dog feces. They were cheese-sticks. Ravens or dogs ate them within the hour.
“You recycle?” Devren asked in a condescending tone.
I sure do. I have to save the planet.
“What – do you think you’re Captain Planet or something?” He shot back.
Nope. Captain Planet has nothing on me, man. Nothing.
“Yeah he does. Captain Planet can fly. Captain Planet can fly, Zieak.”